One of the funnier things to watch in the wake of Inspector General Michael Horowitz’s report on the FBI’s FISA abuses has been all of the people on TV talking about how “one of our most cherished institutions” has been tarnished. What FBI are these people talking about? Because the FBI that I’ve been watching has been a train wreck for my entire lifetime.
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The IG report says that the FBI made “serious omissions and errors” in its pursuit of FISA warrants against the Trump campaign. Uh… no, it did not. The agents committed crimes in an attempt to seditiously and treasonously remove a sitting president who had not committed crimes. The FBI agents were the bad guys in this movie, as they almost always have been historically.
Here are some of the major accomplishments of “one of our most cherished institutions,” the FBI, in no particular order:
During the Clinton administration, the FBI killed Randy Weaver’s wife, 12-year-old son and dog in Idaho. The FBI also burned innocent women and children alive in a Waco, TX compound. Oops.
Under James Comey’s watchful eye, an undercover FBI agent encouraged two Muslims in Arizona to drive to Garland, Texas in an attempt to assassinate conservative activist Pam Geller during the 2015 Draw Muhammad contest. The agent followed the Muslims’ car and continued sending them text messages, encouraging them to carry out the attack, right up until the moment that they opened fire. When two security guards swiftly killed the Islamic attackers, the FBI agent turned his car around and fled the scene.
Under Robert Mueller’s watchful eye, the FBI framed the Republican President Pro Tempore of the Senate, Ted Stevens of Alaska. The FBI’s star witness against Sen. Stevens was a wealthy man convicted of sexual activity with an underage girl. The star witness was trying to obtain a lighter sentence for himself by claiming he had underbilled for renovation work he had done on Stevens’ cabin – and claiming that this was a “bribe” he had paid to Sen. Stevens. During the trial, a female FBI agent was disciplined and removed from the case after she was caught trading sexual favors with the star witness for cash and other gifts.
Sen. Stevens was ultimately exonerated, but only after Robert Mueller and the FBI had caused him to narrowly lose his 2008 reelection bid. As a result of the FBI’s railroading of a GOP Senator, Democrats were able to obtain the 51-vote Senate majority that resulted in Obamacare.
In 2007, the FBI was caught editing Wikipedia articles about its own scandals, in order to paint itself in a better light.
I could go on and on. That’s not even mentioning the attempts to manipulate Martin Luther King, Jr. into committing suicide, the innocent men sentenced to life in prison in order to protect Irish mob boss informant Whitey Bulger, the exoneration of Hillary Clinton in 2016, and a host of other scandals.
The weird thing about this is that a federal agency doesn’t have to be this corrupt, incompetent or criminal. There is another federal agency that just quietly goes about doing its job, and which rarely gets embroiled in scandal: The US Marshals Service.
A solution presents itself! Create a new investigative branch inside the US Marshals Service. Then, fire everyone inside the J. Edgar Hoover building in Washington, DC. Any FBI field agent who wants to continue working as an honorable law enforcement investigator can apply for a job at the Marshals Service and make a lateral move after going through some rigorous background checks to make sure their name is not Peter Strzok or Lisa Page.
Here’s quick look at the scandals committed by the US Marshals Service over the years, to compare its track record to the FBI’s:
The Director of the Marshals Service resigned in 2015 over a “scandal” in which the Marshals were caught tracking the cell phone signals of… *checks notes*… fugitives wanted for murder. Good thing Obama forced that Director out!
Other scandals involving the Marshals Service include a couple of agents who were disciplined for sexual misconduct (again, during the Obama administration). Another scandal involved a hilarious Inspector General audit which discovered that a Marshal had taken his dog to work – using his government vehicle! (The Marshals Service declined to prosecute.) We’d also note that the Wesley Snipes film titled “US Marshals” is pretty terrible.
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So you see, some federal law enforcement agencies are capable of doing actual law enforcement without constantly breaking the law, lying to the public and Congress, or getting bystanders shot and killed or burned alive. Why not reward that agency by expanding it, and scrapping the “cherished” one that has ruined so many American lives?